Hot Mess Monday - Jessica Simpson

....and this is why you are single...

Hot Mess Monday - Audrina Patridge

Audrina, this sucks. I am really not sure why she was SO proud of this heinous outfit the day she wore it. The things poking out at the sides resemble fish gills or something. The only good aspect of this outfit is the Prada clutch. Done.

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Alicia Keys

I think that secretly, Alicia's stylist HATES her. I mean, she must just really despise her with a passion. What else would explain all the horrible get-ups this poor girl has been seen wearing lately. There is absolutely nothing decent about this outfit. It is a flat out disgusting. Not only does she look horrendous, but it does nothing for her figure. And that hair, my dear, that poof is a crime.

How is it Monday again...?

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Rihanna

She is just dying for attention. Here is Rihanna in a zebra cut out dress and possibly the ugliest pointed tow shoes I have ever seen.

Happy Monday!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Alicia Keys

I think that secretly, Alicia's stylist HATES her. She would really have to despise her to put her in the awful get-up. I mean really, just hate her with a passion. There is nothing good about this outfit, absolutely nothing. Besides the fact that it is disgusting, it does nothing for the poor girl's figure. And don't even get me started on her hair - that poof is a crime!

I hate the fact that it is Monday again. Kill.Me.Now

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Rihanna

I am not even going to say anything about her cheap Costa Blanca looking outfit...oh, I guess I just did say something... My real issue with this is her shoes...please refer to her feet. WHAT IS THAT???? WHY??? WHO MADE THOSE AND WHY ARE THEY SO FUG????

Hot Mess Monday - Alicia Keys, Kim Kardashian and Taylor Momsen

Congrats to Alicia Keys for making it on to Hot Mess Monday again! I knew I would see you again, dear. Here is my problem with this outfit...for starters, it is heinous. Next, your shoes are fugly. Oh, and I really hate that fact that your eyeshadow matches your dress (I know you can't quite tell in this pic, but trust me, her eyelids are blue), which matches your shoes. Have a little compassion for the people that have to look at you. Get a new stylist.

Kim, I think your breast wants to come out and play...oh, and your dress is fug.

***Update: This dress is Alexander Wang. I am so disappointed. Love him. Hate this.

I really don't get it. What is wrong with this child? Like I said before, someone talk to this girl's mother! She is only 17 years old. Little J should be dressing her age rather than like a cracked out divorcée. Even if she was older, that dress would still be hideous. Also, make up is supposed to make you look better rather than make you look like you haven't slept in ages. Someone help this girl out, her mother certainly isn't.

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Kristen Stewart

I'm sorry, but I can see your panties and I don't like it...

who said this was okay?

w...t...f....

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Scary Spice (For real)

I don't....I mean....why....but....what happened....who let you...you look...ugh, I need a drink.

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Taraji Henson

Welcome to this weeks addition of Hot Mess Monday! Here is Taraji Henson at the 13th Annual Hollywood Awards Gala in Beverly Hills. I don't have a problem with what she is wearing at all. I actually kind of like her Rachel Roy dress. So what is my problem, you ask? Her face. Her face is my problem. I urge you to take a good look. Taraji, what happened? What is that white stuff around your eyes?? Where is your make up artist? I don't understand this...it is actually kind of scary. Who allowed you to go on the red carpet looking like that?! Find out and fire them ASAP!

Happy Monday!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Alicia Keys & Sienna Miller

It's Monday again! I know you are all sitting at your desks hating life and dreaming of jager bombs. I know I am...ANYWAY...today I have two ladies who committed crimes of fashion recently. The first is Alicia Keys -lovely voice but heinous outfit. First off, that jacket - get a refund honey. It's fug. It looks extremely cheap but, that isn't even the bad part...look down...her shoes...my god...her shoes! WHY? WHO MADE THOSE AND WHY ARE THEY SO UGLY!? They make her look like a super villain. Darling, have you ever heard of Christian Louboutin? He makes nice shoes - try him. Please.

Next we have Sienna Miller. I'm going to go easy on her because clearly she got attacked on her way to the event and that is why her dress looks like that...Poor thing. She must be devastated because she looks like a idiot. At least her shoes are nice though! They must be Louboutins...

Happy Monday! I know, I know...there is nothing happy about it...

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Mandy Moore

Here is Mandy Moore dressed liked a major loser. My grandmother has more style than her. She clearly can’t afford a stylist because she hasn’t done anything in so long. And, no, I do not follow Mandy Moore’s “career”. I would much rather watch paint dry. I’m not sure why this girl is still in the public eye…I mean she has no real talent. Her songs were all pathetic and lame and her acting skills are shameful. If she was a train wreck with a drug problem, I would understand, but she’s a “good girl” and let’s be honest, that is boring. She has got nothing going for her. Her face isn’t even nice to look at; she kind of looks like an ugly wind up doll.

Happy Monday!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Penélope Cruz

This really confuses me...why is Penélope wearing a sweater/blazer/complete mess over her gown...? Someone please help me understand this...

Happy Monday & Thanksgiving!!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Lauren Conrad

This week we have Lauren Conrad at her "LC Lauren Conrad" clothing launch party. Her outfit is plain, boring and ill-fitting, kind of like her...This offensive actress and sorry excuse for a "designer" decided to rock one of her pieces from her own collection. How sad? Assuming this mini dress is one of the better items, LC's line will be a failure - again. Soon she will be designing a collection for Value Village.

PS. Can you believe her book "LA Candy" is going to be turned into a movie?!

Happy Monday!!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Ashanti

Is it hot in here or is it just the hot mess I'm looking at? Ashanti is having an identity crisis. She apparently thinks she is Rihanna. Darling, get real. You look like crap. Rihanna wouldn't even look good in that.

Nice giant feather earring...no, I'm totally kidding...they are almost as hideous as your horrendous boots.

Honey, go home to Nelly before I throw up.

Happy Monday!

xo

Hot Mess Monday: Ugly Times Three

This is what Cate Blanchett decided to wear to the opening of the Screen Worlds exhibition in Melbourne, Australia. This brings tears to my eyes. It is quite possible the ugliest outfit in the history of fashion. If you don't agree with me - we can not be friends anymore.

Here is Mischa Barton at the What Goes Around Comes Around collection party in NYC. I hate the colour of this Hervé Léger body-con dress. I also hate the pattern. It is just altogether heinous. Please also take a good look at her face, it looks like death. On the verge of another breakdown, Mischa??

Here is Drew Barrymore looking extremely hideous with her two tone hairstyle. I can't express in words how ugly her hair looks. She looks like a rebellious teenager. Nice teal tights honey. FUG.

Happy Monday...

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Victoria Beckham, Rihanna and Taylor Momsen

This Monday we have three times the fun. These outfits were so bad that I had to post them immediately. First up we have Victoria Beckham...

Vicky, I love you, but this is too much. First off, the eye make up...why? Seriously, why?! Why do you need so much?! You look like you have two black eyes!! Next, the outfit and shoes. Although thigh high boots are the "it" thing...these Gucci's make me think of dirty hookers...is that strange? Paired with that dress, she should have left Fashion Night Out at Bergdorf Goodman's and gone to the corner...

Next up we have Rihanna...

The alien has landed. Rihanna's style has gotten crazier and crazier. I hate this hooded dress and the studded booties. Don't even get my started on her sunglasses. All I want to know is....can you see?! Where is her stylist?! Someone help her!!!

Last, but not least...ladies and gentlemen...may I present to you Taylor Momsen...age 16...

Courtney Love in training...I think her mother is getting parenting tips from Dina Lohan. Taylor will be in rehab by the time she is 19, if not sooner. If this girl isn't a hot mess, then I don't know what is...

Happy Monday!!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Stacy Haiduk

I have no idea who this chick is but her name is Stacy Haiduk and she is on The Young and the Restless. Anyway, Stacy decided to wear this get up to the Daytime Emmy Awards. Clearly she is missing a lot of brain cells. At first I thought this was a real cat and I got really angry, but then I realized that it wasn't and started to feel really sorry for Stacy because she must have major brain issues.

No person in there right mind would do something like this. She is crying out for attention. I don't know what else to say.

Crazy @!%&*!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Sandra Bullock

If you haven't already seen this hot mess - here it is...Sandra Bullock decided to wear this confusing piece at the All About Steve premiere in Hollywood. This "fashion forward" piece is created by Lanvin. It seems as though she decided to stuff a dress into a a skirt, and ultimately failed, judging by that red piece of fabric cascading down one side. The black booties seem pretty off as well. Her hair...oh boy...her hair...I'm just going to assume that she did it herself, because it looks like crap.

Happy Monday!!

xo

Hot Mess Monday - Audrina Patridge

How much do I love Hot Mess Monday?? Let's take a look at Audrina...she went from being fabulous to being a complete and utter mess. Can you say grunge? Those jeans are AWFUL!! She must have attacked herself with scissors before she left her house. I understand that distressed jeans are nice and can be very stylish, but this is just taking it overboard. I hope she didn't pay for those jeans...

Not only is Audrina a hot mess, but she is a hot drunk mess in this picture...love it!!

xo